i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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