Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
