I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
