i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize