I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize
