yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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