Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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