Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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