If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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