Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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