I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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