Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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