oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
