2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
