Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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