the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
