So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
