I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
