I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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