he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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