: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
