and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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