If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
