Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
