Betty ford says i'm here all night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
