Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
