Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Randomize
