Texts From Last Night

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  (302): View more from Delaware

  He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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  (302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56
  Replies (34) Good night (1463) Bad night (4757)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks

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  (252): I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks http://tfl.nu/dbvg
  Replies (21) Good night (1080) Bad night (3369)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (25953) Bad night (1565)
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  (949): View more from California

  I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.

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  (949): I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird. http://tfl.nu/xcpk
  Replies (46) Good night (1171) Bad night (9680)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

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  (510): I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting http://tfl.nu/unrs
  Replies (14) Good night (5652) Bad night (1255)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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  (630): Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila. http://tfl.nu/cfz3
  Replies (26) Good night (5085) Bad night (1979)
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  (212): View more from New York

  the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with

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  (212): the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with http://tfl.nu/bllr
  Replies (24) Good night (3409) Bad night (1044)
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  (818): View more from California

  I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

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  (818): I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/bcax
  Replies (8) Good night (2737) Bad night (928)
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  (530): View more from California

  He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"

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  (530): He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?" http://tfl.nu/zkkw
  Replies (6) Good night (1889) Bad night (2661)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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  (218): Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple. http://tfl.nu/aihu
  Replies (4) Good night (2228) Bad night (636)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can

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  (604): Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can http://tfl.nu/fug3
  Replies (6) Good night (1096) Bad night (597)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Who in tha hell do u hang out with?

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  (615): I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls. (1-615): Who in tha hell do u hang out with? http://tfl.nu/cxra
  Replies (5) Good night (2038) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.

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  (443): There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity. http://tfl.nu/z2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (336) Bad night (1569)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.

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  (406): Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around. http://tfl.nu/38zv
  Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (195)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.

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  (925): My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar. http://tfl.nu/6s7o
  Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (183)

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