I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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