did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE