We got so high we made milksteak
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
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It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.