U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
