this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.