i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
