now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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