Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize