I showed him my bush... on skype.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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