we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
