Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
