We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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