maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
