I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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