get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize