There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
then he tried to convert me to islam
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize