can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
