she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
