Where is the hickey?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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