I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize