I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
try to milk me bitch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
