no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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