I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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