Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
