This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
