she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
