i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my fart just growled at me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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