At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
