dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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