What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
