Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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