I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
