well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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