he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
