Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize