I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
