he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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