my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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