when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
