Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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