Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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