we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
