I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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