I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
