dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
