if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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