He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You ate ashes out of my bong
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
