so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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