I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
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